END...

Almost 2 years now since my last update. I also don't know why? All i can story, lost thing happened. Really regret what I have done to her. Maybe it should goes this way. Although me also have lots of thing to do from now onwards. Maybe I list it in "100 things to do" before the end of the time.

Maybe I will write a hundred stories to explain my journey in this years. May Allah give to remember everything I gone through. I admit that I have some simptom of forget all the thing I do or promise. Even I can remember what shirt or what I eat yesterday.

People always say what we do today will be a history tomorrow. I need to write my journey  in hundred stories if I can remember everything.

About me & her, hard to told. All I know its all my fault. I wasted her trust, her love, her sacrifice & all her done for me.

Today 2nd of Feb. 2nd day of every month. We use to wish each other before. We use to remember today was a special day of us. The day we declare our day. The day I'll remember now. It was back on 2014, I ride her in KL. More spesific at jalan ampang, just front of ampang point. We just went back from dinner & we decide from that day we become closer & closer. I wish would repeat that day.  

I thnik to start my story from here. I know the are many sad stories, but I will try to do my best onwards.  Although I know my time ticking down & I remember that day was the special day... 😔

EMPTY

Feeling empty inside of me. I think its just the end of our relationship. I not blamed her for what happened to her. Its just in that came to her life. And I still wondering the correct answer why Allah granted the permission for me to see her again after all this 5 years. I know all Allah path must have a good reason and I believe in that.

I think from now onward I have to learn to live alone as I know sooner or later I will be. Just know. To live with all her memories. Many had we share together. What we plan for our future, I think it will be just memories that I will continue without her.

Maybe I will wrote here all the memories with her. So I don't forget it again. InsyaAllah...

Few days from Hari Raya, but I don't feel the spirit of it. Think again its just same as Raya Haji last year where we both had some conflict. As I just go through the day without feeling anything.

Speaks of Hari Raya, I will remembered one thing. Her aunty Lontong. She like it very much. And I think I will never had a chance to eat that lontong. Also remembered her father's Roti Canai. I admit one of the best I ever ate.

I'm sorry for my action. For what I do. I admit it its all my fault. Make her think that every words came from her just a nothing at all. 3 months gone just like that. Wondering what I'm doing in this 3 months until I can't fulfill all her request even I realize it just a simple thing.

I think its too late now even I had all that in my hand now. 11 July 2015. I will remembered this day. The day I do my biggest mistake in mylife.

I just don't know what will happen for both of us after this. But what I know, I will not give up on us. I hope it will be as before. I love this relation cause I know she complete me.

I will be not see her after this. This Raya holiday separate us. Even I said to her before that I want to call her that morning, and know I don't know the answer. Just can't wait to see her again next week even we not talk to each other.

I hope she will happy with her family this raya. Luv her parents cause very kind to me. Dreams to be in this family.

I do love her. Really love her. Tell me what to do to gain back your love. I know it hard but there a love in your heart for me, tell me. I do anything for her. Please don't leave me.

I luv her with all my heart until the last day of y life. 

BETWEEN ME & HER

02.07.2015 was a yesterday date. I was our 7th month anniversary since we declare it. There are so much date comes around between us. The date for our future, date for happiness time and date for sadness day.

A years pass when the first time I told her that I like her. Told her to be with her in for the rest of my life.

Just want to tell her don't give what her want most, for what her want now. Between me & her, I know that we love each other. I believe in that. Never say goodbye if you still believe on that. Never give up if you think we still can go on. Don't ever say you want to leave me again. The struggle we're in today is developing the strength for tomorrow. For our happy day together.  Try to believe in that.

I know it hard now but we have to be strong now for our future. I promise will make it happen as our plan together.

Tomorrow I will be not see her. Hope to see her smile again on Monday, and if Allah give me that chance. Fell something different lately but don't know why.

I luv U

DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON US

We can't just give up on someone because the situation was not as our plan. Great relation aren't great because they have no problems. They're great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.

I'm really sorry for what happened to her this few days when it's seem goes as our plan. But it not. You had to fight through some bad days to earn the best day of your life.

So much to tell her. So much to do with  her. And so much I spare rest of my life just to live with her. But now it's will only come in my dreams. She told me had she made a decision. To leave me.

A whole nite I'm was thinking about her. Trying to remembered all the memories since I knowing her. Since she came into my life. Memories that I promise to keep in my heart for the rest of my life. And I will live with all that memories.

Good things come to those who believe. Better things come to those who are patient. And the best things come to those who Don't Give up.

I know it's hard for her to forget all the "words" that her receive. It's also not I want her to get.

Many things that we had planned together. Many things that we had done and shared together. I don't want to lose it. Maybe it hard now but believe in me, It will pass. Time will heal everything. As long as we happy together, I'll think it's good enough.

Happy together at some place where nobody know our name.

Just please don't give up on what we are now.

I luv her very much. I luv her till jannah...

QUESTIONS BY MY LOVELY PUTRI

I had the same dreams again... for the last couple of month I always dreams of my love Putri. But yesterday she ask me a questions. A questions that I never give the right answer before this. When her ask me "apa yang org tu pandang pada saya & apa yang ada pada saya?", and this is my answer - When someone asked me what I saw in her, to love her so much, my only answer was EVERYTHING.

From the moments we declare every 2th each month was our day, I promise to myself to make her happy even I know lots of things happened a long the period and I try as much I could to keep my promises.

InsyaAllah I will keep my biggest promise to take her to be my Beloved Wife soon. Now, even if I spent the whole day with her, I will miss her the second she leave.

Till now we still in searching the terms to describe our relations. I think the best way to describe is this word. Just thinking it while driving just now, " we are all a little weird and life's a little weird too. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with our heart, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and I call it LOVE"

So much I love her
I'll be by her side
I'll be her companion
Friend & her guide

So much I love her
I'll do anything for her
As long as I care
I'll go anywhere

I'll bring her the sunshine
I'll comfort her fears
I'll gather up rainbows
To wipe all her tears

As long as forever
My love will be true
For as long as I live
My love is only you...

Miss her smile today... LUVE MY PUTRI

THINGS TO DO FROM NOW ONWARDS

Things to do right now is the things I should do before this. I'm sorry for my all mistake. I was born with this weakness. I forget all things I'd said and promise. But for know onwards I'll will keep my promises to her and will fulfill all the small and big things that I said.

8th of May - I went out having a lunch date with her. Just bring to someplace that we can't eat together last time cause opening hour getting closed. We had some rice and pasta with seafood. We shared it together and the best part was sit beside of her and help remove the shrimp skin for her. Although there are other things we do but its was a sweet memory we shared together.

When I say about small things that I promises to her, I feel happy when I saw her smile. She smile again although what we been through together all this time.

I feel some relief when think that I already done some of my promises to her. I done bring her to eat last week and bring her to eat Durian on our 4th Anniversary. What happened on our 4th Anniversary, I'll will story it later. I will story it as our belated anniversary.
Sorry to my lovely Putri.

And InsyaAllah today I will give to her one things that I promise to her long time ago... I hope she will smile when receive this thing.

I'll try to keep all my promise to her after this. I've wrote at some place to keep me remember all those small things. 

For our future life with her, I will try as I could to make her happy. Deep in my heart I can't wait to take her as my beloved wife. InsyaAllah.

I wish you were here,
Or that I were there,
Or we are together anywhere.

I love her so much, MY LOVELY PUTRI.
____________________________________________________________________________________

ALL THOSE SMALL THINGS

It is such a long time not update my journey. I admit, lots of thing happened. Too many things happened to me and her. Laugh, cried, happiness and sad, all blend together in our journey. Its will take some time to write everything. But I promise will make it happen.

Actually I don't know where to start and how to begin the story. Like I said to many things to tell.

I think to start with a small sweet moment. She always told me how a small thing can make someone happier or sad. She do remind me several times and I always forgot it. But I promise to myself, from now I'll will try to remember all this small things that her told me before.

A thought suddenly came to me that in the journey of searching for greater happiness, we sometimes forget the little things that we used to do. As I do promise to her.

I'll will take the time to remember the all small sweet moments and things and remind myself not to forget the importance of those little moments.

I wrote all the small things that I promise to her before cause I don't want to forget again and will do as I promise time to time. And I will start my promise with making one call.

As for today until next week onwards I will feel guilty for what I said yesterday to her. Regrets it. I'm really sorry for what happened to us yesterday. Its not what I meant. Sorry for my actions and words.

It will be long week this time. Her at some place, me at this place. Can't wait to see her beautiful smile again.

I really miss her now. Nobody understands how much I miss her. I miss how much we used to talk and miss all the things we used to do.

I try to admit it to myself that I still feel this way. Nobody knows that I still wake up every single night thinking of her each day.

I still think of her for every moments and I really do miss her.

I would give up everything I have to be everything we're not. I MISS MY LOVELY PUTRI